Breaking Down

It's hard to write publically when times are hard. I know this is one of those entries that I am going to look back on in a few months and wish I hadn't written. Hell, for that matter this is one of those times I am going to look back on and wish hadn't happened. But I am telling a story and I want to tell it as honestly as possible. Even if it isn't pretty. Everyone wants to portray everything as fine and wonderful, easy and stress free, but let's face it : sometimes, life is hard.

When I say, 'tell it as honestly as possible', take that with a grain of salt. Everyone who knows me, believes me to be a wild storyteller with a crazy (and I do mean clinical) imagination, a propensity towards exaggeration, touched by depression. It doesn't make for a very credible journalist, but I usually produce an interesting story. Every now and then, I just wish people took me seriously.

After the brewery meeting ended today, it was all I could do to hold in the waterworks but by the right turn onto Mission, I was a mess; weeping and sobbing. I drove along slowly so my brothers in the cars ahead wouldn't see. What the hell is wrong with me? It isn't even my dream, my passion. Hell, I want to open a restaurant not a brewery! Why can't I keep it together? Why can't I look at it like a business venture, a job? Why can't I take criticsim and suggestion? Why does this hurt?

I am always trying to figure out what is the true destiny of a person? What should this person or that person really be doing for their career. Don't think the self projection is only obvious to you. I see it too. But I believe that Chad's destiny, at least for now, is to be a brewer and have his dreams of brewing, realized. He deserves it. And I owe it to him to make that happen. He saved me and I have something to offer him in return. I am passionate, too. Passionate about Chad.

Back to the meeting, and the hard times - it didn't go so well. At least not in my opinion. I can see now why 7Bridges didn't make it off the ground with their brewery, yet. It is probably even more difficult for us when the people we want to work with are as thick as blood if not blood related. Everyone has a different vision. And visions are personal.

Who will drink the beer? Why will they drink it? Locally, statewide, nationally? Are they the same? Who do we want to drink the beer? What do we want the company to be? Are we profit oriented with plans to expand to a national market and if not, how do we measure success? What happened to Chad's original vision of brewing quality, organic, handcrafted beer - just enough so that he could keep it going and share it and sell it to other people who care about and appreciate the art and science of brewing? And don't forget about the fun. He wanted to have fun, to be light and simple.

But businesses don't do that anymore. That isn't a measure of success. And it isn't a reality. There are quotas to fill, bills to pay and mouths to feed - so that company has to grow. The visions have to expand. But what if people don't have the same vision?

Criticism is not easy to take. Especially for someone like me. I don't know why, but it is always personal. That is why my job is challenging for me. And that is why I just may not have what it takes to develop a business. You don't see many CEO's driving down Mission trying to see through the rain and tears. It doesn't matter how much you work, this isn't grade school anymore, compliments and praise just don't exist. Strategy and positioning, they should have taught that in college.

This is Chad and Nick's company, their dream, their vision. And truly their passion. I can help where I am needed, but for now I think I will just shrink back to observe, learn, and lick my wounds.